Presentation of Self
I find this topic really interesting as it's something I've always thought about throughout growing up. I remember whilst at school noting that certain friends acted differently depending on the social group they were with or putting things online that didn't represent how I saw them as a person. It made me think a lot about myself as I wondered whether I also did this and just couldn't see it or whether my friends were making a conscious effort to change who they were.
I've always had a strong sense of myself and felt that I presented the same 'self' to all walks of life be that family, friends or professionals. However upon reflection I can see that although I still believe that to be true I did and do make small adjustments to fit the situation I'm in. For example I've never been one to swear profoundly but I would never use those words in front of my parents or professionals, however in front of my friends I would feel more comfortable. In modern times I would also never use any kind of swear word publicly online as I feel it would present me in a different way to how I am.
As a child I was painfully shy, wouldn't talk to anyone unless they spoke to me first. On some level I still have that shyness in me but I don't want that to show to other people. Therefore I create this persona of confidence and speak to new people until I'm comfortable enough that I can be myself. This shyness shows it's face mostly in new situations for example a new job. I find it daunting going into a job where social connections have already been formed. I feel like an outsider and I feel like I'm intruding. I will always remain professional but in terms of comfortable conversation, unless someone reaches out and speaks to me I really do struggle to put myself out there. What's interesting is in all my years of working no one has ever thought of me as shy. People often say how confident they find me.
Online is a whole other world and I believe that it should represent you again as you represent yourself in person. I, for example, love my dogs more than anything in the world. I talk about them to anyone who will give me the chance and that is copied in my personal online presence with photos of my dogs and updates and videos. In professional terms I believe it should still represent YOU but at you at your very best. I put on videos of my singing, quotes and support our industry with my professional social medias as I want to be seen as an active member of our industry.
As I've explored in my essay for this term I have found that my practice is entirely ME, it is discovering my authentic self, being present for my life and finding my voice. My practice cannot exist without me being un-apologetically me. I have always said in interviews that what makes me stand out from anyone else is my personality, anyone could do the job but no one could do the job the same as ME. This is my practice. Learning to love me for me so that I can bring that to everything.
I say all this as I've learnt it however it wasn't always the case and sometimes it still takes a lot to remember it. I often found that at auditions I didn't come across as myself because I was nervous and in my head. I found that the auditions where I felt most myself were the ones I did better in.
As mentioned in my essay Derren Brown talks a lot about story telling ‘We are, each of us, the product of the stories we tell ourselves.’ (Brown, 2016) He mentions how we are entirely built up on stories, 'I am not a good dancer' that's a story I used to tell myself because as a kid I was always at the back and my singing has always been what people were drawn to. However if I present myself as a bad dancer that is how people will see me. Therefore I chose to change this. I changed my story to 'I am a singer who dances.' this change in perception altered my confidence in my ability and as a bi-product, altered my actual ability. People started noticing my dancing as well as my singing. How we choose to present ourselves and the stories we tell ourselves and others matters.
