The Joker.

I just rewatched The Joker (The Joker, 2019). What a FANTASTICALLY scary but insightful film, I 

am left with lots of questions that the film so brilliantly raises. This film is very dark being a psychological thriller but the content is important and relevant to so many areas of the life we live in right now. I believe this is what makes the film so scary. 

'The worst part about having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't' (The Joker, 2019)

Why does this quote hit so true? I look in on myself on this one, I remember times shamefully that I have looked away from people acting strangely on the tube or taken a different route to avoid them. This is the way society views abnormal behaviour. 

Abnormal:(Hornblower, Spawforth and Eidinow, 2012) 

This is why The Joker is such a brilliant film raising awareness of topics that have no definite solution and therefore emphasises society's failings to these people. 

Another huge theme in the film is the Rich VS Poor. A common theme and one perhaps that has a particular relevance in current times. It speaks of the way that the rich get richer and the poor are left to fend for themselves and are blamed for being poor and not 'making something of themselves' this then becomes an outrage and rioting starts. We've seen this on numerous occasions in real life when people's voices have been ignored for far too long and the only thing left to do is protest. But these people are angry and ignored and violence stirs from this. What the film does so brilliantly is raise these issues where you can clearly see the problem but do you agree with the solution? By the end of the film The Joker is murdering all sorts of people so I'd hope we wouldn't agree with him, however it's interesting to note that you do UNDERSTAND why and how he has been DRIVEN to this point. Here is a man who has been betrayed, bullied and let down by every person he has ever met, he has been mentally and physically abused throughout his entire life and been forced into a happy, farcical pretence. He as a microcosm for the whole of the poor society has had enough of people belittling him and he is so angry at the way he has been treated that he reacts on impulse which for him we see is aggression and murder. Let me remind everyone that this is a piece of fiction. HOWEVER we have seen this same psychological reasoning in real life in Derren Brown's TV show 'The Push'. (The Push, 2018) This shows how a variety of people could be persuaded through a series of much smaller actions building to bigger ones to push someone willingly off a building. When I watched this programme I was in disbelief but it shows you how the mind can be manipulated and worked as a direct cause of your surroundings and interactions. 

'What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society who abandons him and treats him like trash?' (The Joker, 2019)

What this film has flowing through it is The Human Condition. We are all capable of extreme things both wonderful and awful. We are all exactly the same, the only difference is our education and situation, in other words our privilege. 

Reflecting on my own professional practice, I understand that I am only where I am today thanks to my privilege. Added to that is my hard work and determination which KEEPS me moving forwards, but without those initial steps I could not be here. 

Diary of a Performer xx 

Module 1 Monday 28th September Skype Discussion

Today we had our first module 1 focused Skype discussion. I wasn't really sure what it was all about going into and was a bit worried that I wouldn't know what to do, but it was great fun and really interesting topics were discussed. One that really sparked my interest was the assumption of race. A lot of said that really opened my eyes proving that I myself also fall victim to these assumptions. One such thing was the assumption that as Lion King The Musical (1997, Disney) is set in Africa it makes sense for the cast to be majority black. Adesola made a really fantastic point that the choreography is not a style of African dance and was in fact choreographed by Garth Fagan. It is also an American show so the point was raised that on that basis shouldn't majority Americans be cast? 

'The Jamaican-born choreographer's style is a mix of ballet and modern dance, spiced up with his Afro-Caribbean roots.' (Morain, 2020)

I've been thinking about this topic a lot over lockdown as it's been quite prominent in the media recently. I've been questioning the unconscious bias that I have to things and where they have stemmed from. I'm also aware that the things people say to me due to their own unconscious bias which annoy me, are the same things that I have found myself thinking on occasion. I don't believe this makes me a hypocrite, I think it goes deeper than that and we need to look at where we've got these ideas from, is it the media? is it our communities? is it our history? 

A point was raised about the question 'Where are you from?' and its connotations. I myself have found that when being asked this question what people really mean to say is 'What is your heritage?' Now I know people aren't intending to assume I'm not from the UK and are simply interested in me. But a small change in the question automatically changes the assumption. A question to ask is if I were to answer your question with 'Leicester' would you be satisfied? if the answer is no then you've asked the wrong question. If I were to ask you 'Where are you from?' what would your response be? if it is the same as me then why would you assume our answer would be any different? 

We have all been taught these ways through years and years of culture and education, myself included, and I think what's important now is to question what you're saying and wonder whether that's something I've unconsciously been bias towards or whether I've made my own decision about the matter. Re-taking control of our own minds. 

This isn't to say that we have to be worried to ever speak again in fear of offending someone. People on the whole aren't malicious, we are allowed to speak freely and openly as that is the cause for change. This is only stopped when people refuse to learn. 

Diary of a Performer xx 

 My Mind and it's capabilities...

So my mind has gone to pot. 

That's it end of blog. Full stop. End of story. 

But actually on a serious note, I just had my birthday (Happy Birthday to me) and now I'm 26 which is officially old. The last time I properly studied was for my A Levels 7 years ago and I was always a smart kid, always in the top classes and getting the top marks so I really didn't think this would be much of a step up for me, but WOW my mind is blown. There is just SO much information and I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with it all...It's just there fumbling about in my brain waiting to be processed but none of the little people in my control centre (I love Inside Out) can work out where it should be sent! 

I started reading our Kortext today and after 35 pages my eyes in a cartoon would have match sticks holding them open and my brain fried on a plate. There's a hundred and one words that I don't know the meaning of and it's very scientific. Safe to say I no longer feel very intelligent😓

I think the thing I hate most about our industry is the assumption that we are 'stupid' and it makes me frustrated coming into this course feeling like I don't know what I'm doing because I KNOW that I am smart and I know that I overcome all challenges that I come across, and I know that this is just a phase. I've spent the past 4 years training and BEING in Musical Theatre and it has been so challenging, mentally, physically and intellectually, I work hard at what I do and I am proud of what I've overcome. I've been thrown in the deep end here but I've always been a good swimmer😜

If I never understand this course at least I can fall back on my puns👍

I've always worked very hard and I like to understand things before I proceed with them so this is hard for me, but change never came from easy. My mum used to say when I struggled with my Maths homework as a literal primary school child, that I always found the problem really difficult because I just COULDN'T understand how it could possibly work, but once she explained it a little and it all slotted into place in my brain it was if there was never an issue in the first place and I could carry on with ease by myself to finish the whole thing. I've always remembered this story because it manifests itself in different areas of my life since then up until present day. I like to remind myself that no matter how big the challenge is and how impossible it seems, I am only ever one crossed wire away from the solution. 

Diary of a Performer xx

 The Social Dilemma-Netflix

So yesterday I watched The Social Dilemma (Director Jeff Orlowski, 2020) and it's raised a lot of questions, a fair amount of concerns and the odd 'mind blown' moment. 

As I'm slowly but surely making my way through our module handbook I find myself at the Web 2.0 section discussing the ethical practises behind social media. Now I myself am an avid user of social media with an account on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok (I deleted Snapchat yesterday after finishing the programme-one small step for mankind, one giant leap for Laura👏) I use Twitter and Instagram on a professional level to showcase my skills and network with like-minded people. For this purpose it serves a great deal of good, without it I would not be connected to anywhere near the amount of industry professionals that I am connected to. I would not be able to share my craft and promote myself as a brand quite as accessibly as I can with these platforms. HOWEVER on a personal basis for which I have Facebook, another Instagram and TikTok I have started to question what is the good in it? 

Whilst watching 'The Social Dilemma' yesterday I had a constant argument in my mind of 'yeah BUT I want to talk to my friends and be available if they need to contact me.' What very quickly came to light was this is because social media is a drug that I am addicted to, because I don't NEED to be readily available to talk to anyone. I deserve downtime too. 

 “There are only two industries that refer to their customers as 'users': illegal drugs and software. " — Edward Tufte

What worried me most was the complete unawareness that we all have that we are being manipulated. That we have to control over what we see on our feeds but instead some super smart computer knows every detail about me, more than I know myself and is USING this information to subconsciously make me stay scrolling for as long as possible. THEN they use this information and sell it to companies for advertising money-heard of tailored ads? well there you go. SCARY! 

I could talk about this for hours but honestly I should finish with saying if you haven't yet watched it, I URGE you to get on it ASAP. You'll be horrifically surprised! 

Diary of a Performer xx 

Catfish the Musical

So Yesterday was a dream. 

Back in January I was part of a cast recording of a new musical called CATFISH. We were supposed to being doing a concert version of it in April but Miss Corona had other plans for us. 

During this time I've missed live theatre more than you could POSSIBLY imagine. There's nothing better than sitting in an auditorium with the general buzz of excitement filling the air. Then comes the first instruments that start to sound and that's it, you're taken on a JOURNEY that only you and your fellow audience members will ever experience, because that's what live theatre is, it's unpredictable, unknown and MAGICAL. 

Yesterday I got to be part of this once again. But better yet I was the one people came to see. Thanks to the amazing team at THE TURBINE THEATRE and Paul Taylor-Mills we were able to go ahead with a socially distanced, Covid safe version of our Catfish Concert and boy it did NOT disappoint. 

Reflecting back on it a day later I am so THANKFUL to have had this opportunity at a time when so many are itching to get back on stage and do what they were born to do. I feel proud to have not only been a part of a brand new upcoming musical but also to have been one of the very few shows actually playing right now and I do not and will not ever take that for GRANTED. 

2020 has taken a lot from us but we are performers and we are resilient. We WILL come back and we will come back better and stronger than ever. 

Enjoy a clip from last nights concert!

Diary of a Performer xx

 Middlesex Induction Meeting!

Here we go! Day 1 of being a proper university student 😁

We had an induction meeting where our course leader went through EVERYTHING we need to know about the course! I think what's most important for me to remember is there will ALWAYS be someone to help and have my back. It was a lot of information which was quite overwhelming, however knowing that there are people I can talk to who have already done my module is super helpful! 

Diary of a Performer xx

 Welcome Back!

Did you miss me? Probably not because I've only ever written two blogs before and I'm not sure anyone actually read them but there we go! I am BACK and ready to roll...WOOHOO!

So a quick catch up from the past 2 years since my 'MIDLIFE CRISIS 🙀' 

I got a new FANTASTIC agent who I love more than life itself! she's made me fall in love with what I do all over again, she gets me seen for what i should be seen for and pushes for me to be the best i can be. What more could you possibly ask for? oh yeah! She also boosts my confidence endless amounts every. SINGLE. time. I. See. Her. SO IMPORTANT👏👏👏

I downloaded an app called 'I AM' which I strongly recommend you all download this instance...I'll wait..

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done it? great. so you'll see that it sends your positive affirmations throughout the day that you can read and take in and love and smile about. Is there anything better than waking up to 'I am proud of who I am becoming' ? NO THERE IS NOT. IT IS WONDERFUL! 

On that note I am a much more confident, self loving and happier person that I was two years ago and that is down to meditation, family, surrounding myself with the right friends and choosing to be kinder to myself. WOW that makes a HUGE difference! it's amazing how waking up and saying 'I AM ENOUGH' instead of 'LOOK HOW BAD I LOOK' can make you truly believe that I AM ENOUGH! read it. Soak it up. It's important. 

In terms of my mid life crisis solutions:

I have started teaching singing every now and then which is a great step forward!

I still love psychology but it will have to be put on hold as I am going back to UNI 🙀 to complete my Musical Theatre course and turn it into a degree. MAD! I'm going to finally get myself one of those scrolls and wear a cape and a mask and save the world! or is that a superhero?...same difference! I'll have something that's important to me.

That's it for now, don't want to overwhelm all my avid followers with TOO much information, gotta keep some mystery so you come back to me😉

UNTIL NEXT TIME! 😘

Diary of a Performer

xxx